Friday, April 08, 2005

dissapointed.

the story of the salty pork chops. came home and felt kinda hungry and decided to cook something for myself. pork chop it shall be i say. cut , beat the egg , make the flour, heat the oil.
then came mother . "aiyo .. bu shi zhe yang zuo de." so she changed the way i wanted to cook. "ni de jiang you bu gou ... fang dou yi dian." the creation of salty pork chop.

overdoing it. why should we add more soya sauce when we know obviously that its too much. cos mum said so. cos the rules say so. tell me about rules i tell u 101 ways to do it easier! faster. *snorts.*

rushing, spur of moment. doing things in a rush will take u more time to salvage the wreck than u doing it slowly and correctly. " its impossible, we havent really know each other." "ya .. i think so too" now i am stuck. i am stuck inbetween nothing . no way will i be able to move forward , and there isnt anyway left behind me to retreat. "jing tui liang nan". drown me , at least i know when i am dead-- when i feel relaxed floating on the water.

u eat the shit u created. yes i did the shit. i cooked the salty pork chop . i eat it all up . wheres mum? asleep. wheres bro? doesnt fancy shit. wheres the rules that controls u? in the corner mocking at ur stupidity. kidney failure , here i come. pls call the nkf hotline so that i will have marnee for my treatment next time.

rushed my welfare work todae . kinda tedious. i feel stupid. Ian will not be back till monday. and after he comes back the follow ups will still be tedious. dang. why cant someone sponser the stuffs? it will be easier . yea sure . i will eat up all the proposals if anyone is willing to do it. try me . cos everyone have lost the heart for community related affairs. they care for their arse more than anything else. i am one of them .so wad? at least i dare to admit. __

u care for the arse beside u and u get shit out of it. u rub their arse when they are in need , they kick u in the arse when u are in trouble. yeah sure tell me about all the brotherhood , how much per kg? *snorts*

i live in a world where theres me , i and myself. if i got trouble i will find me , myself will rely on me while i will help myself. get it idiot? trouble finds me not you . for you does not exist in the world. i love myself and i like me . they three are interconnected. i say help me , i will help myself no matter wad . u never hear help you . why? for there lives only me i and myself. period.

shall be going to the beach tml . find it kinda fun . to see ppl having fun trying to glide on small waves, seeing ppl building their dream house which last as long as the tide remains low. looking as ppl whom they call their group friends cycle to practically no where and heading back in 2 hours time lest they will be asked to pay the remainder. watching guys trying very hard to teach gers skating when what they want is just their phone numbers. the everyday events of life at the beach.

i think i have gone too far in making myself present in ur life , i dont belong anywhere but the world of me i and myself. kisses were meant to seek your attention , while msgs are trying to see if u will reply mine. sorry. i am selfish. i dont deserve love .

trying to see if xl is ok was just to make myself less guilty . trying to ask "friends" out was to make sure i wasnt alone today. i spent time and effort trying to be "friends" of other ppl . they are my friends . i doubt i am theirs . i question the meaning of friends. i say they are just a harbour to rest ur boat in a storm. after the storm , thats the end of the relationship between the ship and the harbour.

sue me for all i care __

sam
"i myself and me"

- salty pork chop.
Scribbled by cow.drinks.milk @ 12:35 AM