Saturday, May 21, 2005

will be leaving for KL in like few hours time . cant get to sleep , the weather is bad like always . so is my mood. think i am suffering from depression? or wad . feels kind of bad these few days . suicidal perhaps. i think many would be happy to see this happen ya? karma isnt it?

have been visiting other ppls blog. seen many comments . well comments abt their every day life and all. nick's blog caught my attention. written in a very unique way i should say . kinda interesting . will be paying more attention on his blog tho. well something puzzles me tho , regarding his departure from the band. someone told me its his thinking was different others say its the standard of the band. well in anyway we all should respect his decision on this matter bah. tho i wasnt very convinced on the reason then . =
things have been happening . sometimes i just dread turning up for band . now the playing part isnt that a problem , tuba's music aint that difficult compared to the euphonium. and mr tan pronounce it as EE-phonium much to my amuse tho .. sounds kinda weird . i still remember my primary sch conductor telling us a joke on thai pronouncing their scared animal as EE-lephant. *giggles* kinda weird dont u think?

talking abt band . its the work that u have to handle as a committee member i should say. not that i have tons of work to do . perhaps i am just finding things to do around . its like seeing the clubhouse hot and all i will propose for fans to be placed inside . its something i just cant leave it lying around and when people ignores the presence of the problem ,i cant . i just cant do it . isnt me i should say . taking the the mess created everytime in the clubhouse dont i try hard to alter the furniture and place BINs in the area . yet litter find its way all around . this is like multiplying 1 to a million times. its still one. like pushing a wall with all ur might but it theory no work has been done .

perhaps i should contemplate less and do nothing more. saves me lots more trouble.

fanny: eh .. u two dont communicate one arh?
uncle lim: ya lor ...

well .. we do communicate but less so when work gets piled up on ur desk . i supposed its in the blood . so i was trying to pack my bag when mum came back and started instructing me on how i should pack my bag. o.O i was like huh? i have been to enuff trips and overnights to know what to bring and what not to bring. so after trying very hard to persuade me to bring the specific clothes she goes on nagging about the cleaniness of my room and all . stating the fact that ryche will not be doing all the clearing up while we were out . o.O are we going on a trip that will last for a month? i suddenly asked myself , ended up with a chuckle. its all in the blood. =D

after funvies i suppose i will try to persuade the comm that i am quitting the comm for good. or rather hand down the stuffs to kewei and chiu . feels kind of reluctant to even go to band now. dont know why .

i am not feeling good these few days have been indulging in the forbidden tho . isnt good for health like when u know its getting kind of late already. in the mist of that i attain that few moments of unself me . like i suddenly find myself in a no where land . indulging in the precious moments of peacefulness? signs of depression? not surprise if so.

the days at amos was fun . addictive fun i would say. listening to stories told by many other amoses .peaking into the lives that differently lived at their side of the world . well , it shows alot of a person just by listening to his/her speech. cool . got to know that the amos holds its annual appraisal for its staff like once a few months from david . it immediately spunned my excitement in challenging the appraisal . well , it is definately pathetic to draw some $4 an hour for a pay ya? so was it janice or whoever from sy class whom patronize amos that day and said " so u are quite desperate huh?" it struck me deep and hard . how in the world do i end up in a place like this? . ya how? ...

so chiu and kewei gave me this very cute present today . i was still wondering the reason why? but it is very heart warming to know that there are still people in the world whom still acknowledge ur presence . like u felt urself living . well living with a purpose? . they have been excellent company for these few days.

finally saw her at band that day. was feeling so down even before seeing her it doesnt make a difference anywhere.(she has got a nice hair-do tho. looks more executive i should say.) it just struck me that day that the family will be entering this financial crisis in no time. HDB jus called ytd pressing for payments for the house . singtel have been sending endless letters to persuade us to pay up the bills. and i am drawing a pathetic pay of $4 which doesnt come in another 2 weeks. and me still there trying to turn up for every session of band practice and turning down offer to work additional days? am i out of my mind or wad . i am letting go something soon. i will cease my connection with the world in no time to come . isolating? *snorts.*

LOSER ! u are a freaking loser dont u think so . reading a endless blog entry of a loser's? welcome to my life ya?

sam.
do no shit , no one in the world will clean it up for u . ever!

- leaving on a diesel bus ... sheesh -_-
Scribbled by cow.drinks.milk @ 2:50 AM